Bentley’s Back in Hong Kong, China: Ashley Hebert the Bachelorette- Episode 6

You see, there’s this book called He’s Just Not That into You…

book

Ashley Tab:

Bentley’s room number: 4315

“Bentley”: 20

“dot-dot-dot”: 7

references to Ashley being “refreshed”: 2

free Hong Kong trips for Bentley: 1

unnecessary beards on Ryan P: 1

Memorable Quotes:

“I’m not going to mess with you.” -dreamy host Chris Harrison to Ashley

“Who is it?” -Bentley answering the door

“That’s a reaffirmation of us being on the same page, I think.” -Bentley to Ashley

“So this is our period?” -Ashley to Bentley

“The fact that I’m at home means it doesn’t look good for us.” – Bentley to Ashley

“Shush.” -Ryan P.

“It’s only going to get worse.” -Ashley

“Basically, I just want a friend.” -Blake

china

Who Went Home on Their Own because of Ashley’s “Break-Up” with Bentley:

Mickey

China

Who Ashley Sent Home because of Her “Break-Up” with Bentley:

Blake

"I'm not going to mess with you."

Ames Gets Punched in Chiang Mai: Ashley Hebert the Bachelorette- Episode 5

Too bad it was a good guy that got punched in the face.  Instead of… you… that bad guy.  What’s his name?  Oh yeah, Ashley just reminded me: BENTLEY!

"This isn't going to work." -dreamy host Chris Harrison

Ashley Tab:

“Bentley”: 41

“30 year old boy”: 4

“closure with Bentley”: 3

“hot out of the gate”: 2

dirty tricks by William involving Ben C. making a joke about online dating: 1

pity party hosted by William: 1

appearances by Bentley: zero (What a tease!)

Classy Quotes:

“I would not classify me as awesome.” -Ryan P.

“No-no kissy.” -Ben F.

“I was an emotional zombie.” – Ben F.

“Do I stick out my butt?”- Ashley

“You’re not going to fall in love with me.” -Ashley to all the remaining bachelors

“I’m looking for a man.” -Ashley, who evidently is not interested in a “30 year old boy”

“This isn’t going to work.” -dreamy host Chris Harrison

“It’s really hard to say goodbye to love.” -Nick

Hey Ben, remember... no-no kissy!

Who Got Sent Home:

William, Ben C., and Nick

Who Ashley Should Pick:

J.P. Rosenbaum: most likely Jewish

Ames Brown: most likely Scottish

Super Lactate Me: The Results, A Month Later- My Weight Difference After Switching to Whole Milk

Read this, then decide whether or not you believe that switching to whole milk caused me to gain weight or not.

This is the anticipated follow-up to Super Lactate Me: Does Switching From Skim Milk to Whole Milk Really Cause You to Gain Weight?

Exactly a month ago, I switched from low fat milk to whole milk. I did a science experiment on myself to see if the traditional belief was true that “whole milk makes you fat.” Because in theory, that shouldn’t make sense. There are good fats and bad fats, and nutritionists say that milk fat on its own (not added with sugar, like in ice cream, yogurt, milk shakes, etc.) is good fat.

My weight a month ago, before whole milk, was 156.6 pounds.

My weight today, after whole milk, is…

Drum roll please…

157 pounds.

Yes, technically, I gained a fraction of a pound.  If you’re being really technical. Of course, you do realize, if I was using a normal scale instead of a digital scale, it may not have indicated any change in weight at all.

And let me just be perfectly honest and direct with you:  That fraction of a pound could be directly related to fraction more of a pound of water, or other disposable bodily substances, inside of me that morning compared to 30 days earlier .  Surely I don’t need to spell it out…

Here’s what’s really interesting.  I loved whole milk so much that I began drinking nearly twice as much milk than I did when I drank low fat milk.  Plus, I added even more fat into my diet by introducing string cheese (not the reduced fat kind) and by returning hemp seeds into my diet.  They are loaded with fat- but again, good fat.

So how has this experiment changed my life?  I consume more milk every day.  I switched from low fat sour cream to regular sour cream.  And I eat a lot more cheese now, knowing that dairy fat is not bad fat!  My wife was convinced and has now switched to whole milk, as well.

Dairy fat becomes bad when combined with sugar, or with meat (which is one of the reasons I observe a Kosher diet.)  But on its own, dairy fat is good and necessary.

Would this experiment have ended up differently if I consumed meat and cheese together in the same meals, which I don’t?  It’s very possible.

What if I still ate as much sugary snacks as I used to?  Again, I probably would have gained some weight.

But because I already abide by a strict, kosher Mediterranean diet, I’ll never know exactly how this “whole milk experiment” would affect someone else, who didn’t share my some wacky diet.

I’ll leave that experiment up to someone else.

What do you think?  Based on the results, would you say I’ve gained weight?  Or is the fraction of a pound irrelevant to the switch to whole milk?

Ashley Can’t Get Over Bentley in Phuket, Thailand: Ashley Hebert, The Bachelorette- Episode 4

Ashley still doesn’t realize that Bentley was there for the wrong reasons.  Chris Harrison again proclaimed there are no rules.  And he got his hair dyed darker.

The Ash Tab:

“Bentley”: 23

“not winning”: 4

shades darker that dreamy host Chris Harrison had his hair dyed since the previous episode: 2

“right reasons”: zero (!)

Memorable Quotes:

“There are times when my Ryan-Meter gets pretty high.” -Ben F.

“No time for flirting.  We’ll flirt later.” – J.P.

“I want that physicalness.” -Ashley

“He’s just a goober.” -Lucas, referring to Ryan P.

“I feel like we’re on the Titanic.” -Ashley to Ames

“We’re both nerdy.” -Ames

“I’m sorry I’m not grumpy.  My bad.” -Ryan P.

“I”m bursting with a lot of love in my chest.” -Ryan P.

“We’re not breaking the rules: There are no rules.” -dreamy host Chris Harrison

Who Didn’t Get a Rose:

West

My First “Feature Story” on Parents.com; A Father’s Day Special, Separate from The Dadabase

Father’s Day is a week from today, you know.

Becoming the daddy blogger for Parents.com has opened up another opportunity: the invitation to write a couple of slideshow features for them. Talk about being at the right place in life and the right time… The first story, which is now up on their site, is “Seven Ways to Be an Awesome New Dad.” Perhaps by default, I ended up becoming the “go to” guy for this story, having just been hired as their daddy blogger and this being my first Father’s Day. Seriously, what an honor!

Not to mention, it’s kind of funny that I was given the authority to decide what the seven ways to be an awesome new dad should be.  They actually left it up to me!  I could have said, “Dress up in a giant chicken costume as you rock your infant to sleep every night in an effort to truly take them under your wing.”  Or “Eat baby formula with your infant to lead by example.” But I guess Parents.com trusts me enough not to do something outrageous like that.

When writing the piece, I tried to be as creative as possible.  I never like pointing out the obvious when I write.  This story isn’t “Seven Ways to Be a Decent New Dad.”  My assignment was to write about being an “awesome” new dad.

With no further ado, here is “Seven Ways to Be an Awesome New Dad.”

(Click the title in the sentence above in blue letters to read the story on Parents.com.)

Darth Vader Father's Day
Darth Vader says, "Have a Happy Father's Day... or else!"

Partially Unnecessary Explanation of the Link:

It is a link to the story I’ve been talking about this whole time.  That’s the whole reason I wrote this post you’re reading right now; simply to promote it. Seriously, at the end of the day when I read my blog’s statistics, if it says there are 57 people who read this post, it should also show that 57 people clicked the link. Yes, I can and do keep up with that stuff. It’s sort of my job/obsession.  

When I wrote the final “dad from day one” post which ended with a link to the first “Dadabase” post, only 1/3 of the people who read the post actually clicked the link at the end.  That means that 2/3′s of the people who read it, missed the whole point! I want to prevent another similar disaster from happening.  Come on team; let’s go for a 100% this time.  I believe in all of you, my friends.

Just in case you missed it the first time, here’s another opportunity to click the link; this time in a giant font so that there’s no possible way to have missed it:

Seven Ways to Be an Awesome New Dad

Jeff Takes Off His Mask, Bentley Leaves, Ashley Gets Roasted: Ashley Hebert the Bachelorette- Episode 3

Why did JP already have pajamas with him for the “home date?” Why did Ashley have to switch from contacts to her glasses to get comfy?  Such intellectual questions this show raises.

Chris Harrison, not Jewish
"There are no rules."

The Ash Tab:

Percent chance that this episode will cause Chris Harrison to call Bentley “the most hated man in America” in The Bachelors Tell All episode: 100

“no cocktail party”: 5

“dot, dot, dot”: 4

“right reasons”: 2

songs by Far East Movement: 2

number of masks thrown into the furnace: 1

Understatement of the Season So Far:

“I am at a disadvantage because she can’t see my face yet.” -Jeff

Bentley the Bad Guy’s Quotes:

“I’m not going to miss an opportunity to mess with her head.”

“I’m gonna make Ashley cry.  I hope my hair looks okay.”‘

“I still want to keep the dot, dot, dot.”

“These freaking idiots believe me.”

Other Magical Quotes:

“We pulled up to a comedy club, and that’s right up my alley.” -Jeff

“I have a three legged dog.” -Jeff

“There are no rules.” -dreamy host Chris Harrison

the bachelorette

Who Ashley Sent Home:

Chris D. (who?) and Jeff

Who Went Home on His Own/Had Another Hired Acting Gig as a Villain on a TV Reality Show:

Bentley the Bad Guy

Pictures of Jeff Medolla Without His Mask/Heads or Tails in Las Vegas: Ashley Hebert the Bachelorette- Episode 2

So, listen.  There’s this thing called Google Images.  It took me less than one second to find a picture of Jeff Medolla without a mask. Enjoy.

Jeff Medolla is not Jewish, but instead his ethnic background likely originates back to Spain, Brazil, Argentina, or Uruguay.

The Ash Tab:

heads or tails games: 7

shots of a falcon: 3

“Ding-Dong”: 3

“wrong reasons”: 1

Colbie Caillat singing “Brighter Than the Sun”: 1

fake weddings in Las Vegas: 1

Memorable Quotes:

“I wish I had a white mask.” – Jeff

“My heart is soaring higher than the fountains today.” -William

“He’s better looking than I am.” -Ashley referring to Mickey

“Ding-Dong came in.  Ding-Dong is William.” -Nick

“Please, please, please stick around. Please, please, please, Bentley.” -Ashley

Bentley the Bad Guy’s Quotes:

“I just want her to know I’m better than the other guys.”

“She’s just not my type.”

“I would literally prefer swimming in pee than planning a wedding with her. She’s just not my dream girl.”

Who Ashley Sent Home:

Matt, Stephen, and Ryan M.

the bachelorette

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