No, Frank. Going to Tahiti is probably not a good idea for you at this point.
seconds of silence in Frank’s meeting with his ex-girlfriend Nicole: 23
pearls found by Ali and Chris which Ali compared to her relationship with Chris: 3
peacock dress: 1
scene of Ali lifting her head out of the water in slo-mo: 1
granny sweaters worn by Frank: 0
“It’s killing me that I may be in love with different two women at the same time.” -Frank, forgetting that’s kind of the whole point of the show
“I’m in love with Nicole and Nicole is who I want to be with for the rest of my life.” -Frank, giving plenty of reason not to go to Tahiti
“I have to go find Ali and tell her what I’ve done today.” -Frank, forgetting he just gave us a pretty good reason why he shouldn’t
“I have to go to Tahiti and tell her I’m in love with someone else.” -Frank, at this point being lured by a free trip to Tahiti from the producers to go do an considerably unnecessary deed
“I’m excited to get in this helicopter. This is what life is about.” -Roberto, whom no one ever told that life is about more than helicopter rides
“She looks like she got smashed in the face with a frying pan.” -my wife, after seeing the preview of Ali crying right before she said the next quote, below
“I don’t know what to do.” -Ali, using her same catch phrase that she said when she left Jake Pavelka for her job
“I don’t know what to do.” -Frank, not realizing that’s Ali’s trademarked line
“I feel like I’m 12.” -Roberto after jumping off the boat into the water with Ali, screaming like a 12 year old boy in the process
“He’s the biggest jerk I’ve ever known.” -Ali forgetting about the now ex-boyfriend she mentioned on the last season who cheated on her in the room next to her
“The guys are arriving by boat.” -Chris Harrison, disappointed that the original plan for Roberto and Chris to arrive riding by whaleback fell through
Highlights/Lowlights: (It’s hard to know the difference…)
-Roberto diving into two feet of water while swimming at the beach with Ali.
-Roberto taking off his sneakers and carrying them so they wouldn’t get ruined as he walked through the water to dinner with Ali
-The crying contest which took place between Frank and Ali
-Ali not letting us down by doing her token crying move: messing up her hair for 42 seconds while whining, “I don’t know what to do…”
How It Ended:
Who Ali Kept: Roberto and Chris
Who Ali Sent Home: no one
Who Went Home on Their Own: Frank
Much Needed Voice of Reason:
There clearly is an obvious double standard here. It’s okay for Ali to kiss every guy on the show if she wants, meet their families, get in hot tubs with them, stay in a “fantasy suite” with them, but it’s not okay for Frank to still have feelings for someone he’s known longer than Ali (which at that point was less than two months).
In real life, Frank wouldn’t have flown to Tahiti to tell Ali he’s in love with someone else, he would have just told Chris Harrison. But in real life, they wouldn’t be in Tahiti. They’d be in… Oh yeah, I forgot. None of this would happen in real life.
As this season comes to a close, I’ve had literally hundreds of readers who have found my site by searching to find out who on the show is Jewish. Here are the answers.
Frank Neuschaefer: Jewish of German descent
Jonathan “The Weatherman” Novack: Jewish of Polish descent
Who’s Not Jewish:
Ali Fedotowsky: Latvian descent
Chris Harrison: English descent
Craig “Dangerous” McKinnon: Canadian of Irish descent
Chris “Cape Cod” Lambton: Scottish descent